I was very touched by a recent visit with a wonderful donor and supporter of Human Options.  A successful community and corporate leader in his 70’s, he is interested in creating a video telling his family’s story. He said, “this will be a legacy he to leaves as a gift to my mother.”  Like many women before the advent of domestic violence programs in the l970s, his mother was a longtime victim of domestic violence with no options for help. As a young boy growing up he had no power to change that. Now he wants to tell his story as a way of creating change to help community members understand the tremendous personal and social costs of domestic violence.

His commitment made me think of the many successful adults I meet in my work who share with me the stories of their mothers’ isolation and fear. I hear their words and voices saying “There was no one to help my mother. I used to run upstairs and hide in the closet; I will never forget my mother’s tears.”

Today as leaders in the domestic violence prevention and treatment programs we speak for these women who have no voice and for their children who live in fear. And we create the promise of freedom from fear and abuse for this next generation.

If you have a story you would like to share I invite you to join our community leaders who speak of past hurt and hope for the future and begin a dialogue.

I just heard Rihanna’s interview with Diane Sawyer.  I wish every teenage girl and boy, every mother and father could hear this and listen to some key messages  from Rihanna, a young woman who is now able to see and tell the truth about abuse.

“Don’t’ react out of love; love is so blind”  . Rihanna is so right; we have all heard thousands of love songs with the common theme that love is blind.  It sounds romantic, but the reality is that the message encourages us to live in illusion and ignore common sense.. This is especially true for teen girls who are seduced by  rock, rap and romance music. 

“Denial is when you start lying to yourself the minute the physical wounds start to heal.” Again Rihanna is pointing out an important truth.  Denial is the way we all avoid facing tough realities. It is both a subconscious and conscious way of hiding from pain.It keeps us locked in a bad situation that will only get worse.

The only way out of denial is to have people who care about you and help you face reality. But,most women and girls who are victims of abuse are like Rihanna. They blame themselves and tell no one. Rihanna didn’t want to talk to anyone after the abuse because she said she felt ‘so ashamed” that she chose someone like that.

We hope girls and boys, moms and dads, will listen to Rihanna’s story. Tell a friend or parent if you have been hurt by a boyfriend or if you are afraid. And parents ,don’t let your kids disappear into the illusion of love. Call our hotline – 949 8543554 or  a counselor who knows about date abuse if you are worried. Don’t go into denial.

And, boys, remember Rihanna’s words  “The thing that men don’t realize when they hit a woman is the scar inside – you remember it all the time.”

One in four women in the United States is a victim of domestic violence at some point in her life. Stunned by this statistic, I joined with three wonderful women–Carolyn Churm, Anne Wright and Margaret Thoreau to make a commitment to permanent change. 

Our vision: a world in which no woman or child should ever feel afraid in her/his home.

I began my role as founding director in 1981. (continue reading…)