The theme of the conference was “Changing Faces of the Movement”. “One of the changing faces agencies are seeing is the increase in the aging population seeking services for domestic violence”, reports Ms. Gellatly. Conference attendees recognize the need to offer more services for this age group and the need to create programs and services geared to this population. Carol Tryon, Coordinator for the Safe Options for Seniors program facilitated a workshop on elder abuse issues. Carol, a nationally recognized advocate and expert in the field of elder abuse, shared about her work with seniors and had three of her clients speak. Each client said that Human Options and this elder-focused program truly saved their lives. “It was truly incredible to hear them and just made me so proud of our program for elder abuse  Carol was very informed on the issue and seemed way ahead of anyone in the audience who were trying to initiate services for this population,” said Shirley.  

Another work shop Shirley attended was on Intergenerational Leadership. “Once again I was struck by how far ahead Human Options is in offering leadership positions to staff of all ages.  Most agencies still have the “old guard” in charge and the younger women voiced that there is no place for them in upper management until the leadership that has been there a long time leaves”, observed Ms. Gellalty. 

In addition to Shirley, Community Educator, Robert Diaz, attended three workshops on teen dating violence/community education programs and was “blown away” at how few teens were reached by these programs and how lost these programs seemed as to how to reach teens. At one work shop the audience went around the room and stated how many teens they had spoken to last year. The number of teens reached ranged from 200 to 2,000. Robert’s response of 22,000 astonished audience members especially when they realized that our community education department was staffed by one full-time and one part-time position. “I was very proud of our program and often was called upon for advice,” Robert reported after returning from the conference.

In the words of Shirley and Robert to our staff, “Keep up the good work all of you, I do believe we are making a difference.”

What is domestic violence, really? We know what the experts say, it can be physical, emotional or verbal, but apparently the jury is still out.  Look at Charlie Sheen, a multiple offender, he holds a knife to his wife’s neck, yet gets off with no jail time! Is it because he didn’t inflict actual physical harm? Is it because he is a celebrity? Is it not truly domestic violence until it results in murder, like Stacy Bryant, the Rancho Santa Margarita woman who was murdered by her husband last week?

I think it starts with verbal abuse and can be stopped before it results in physical abuse or heaven forbid murder. If our legal system would be harder on those that commit verbal or emotional abuse than maybe it would never get to murder! What do you think?  After 4 years of listening to our clients’ stories many of them have told me they would have rather been hit then endure the pain of daily verbal abuse…bruises fade but the recordings play on in your head. The words like “you are good for nothing”, “you are a horrible mother”, “you are ugly” play over and over and tear down confidence and self-esteem and build up fear and hopelessness.

Domestic violence doesn’t just impact the woman, it is far reaching—children, other family members, neighbors, co-workers and bosses, students and classrooms. When is our legal system and society going to recognize this is more than an “issue” between a man and a woman?

I can’t believe Human Options will be celebrating 30 years in 2011. Thirty years of working passionately to break the cycle of domestic violence here in Orange County. It’s even harder to imagine that the whole domestic violence movement started even before I was born. It was begun by passionate individuals in the feminist and civil right movements of the sixties. Those first leaders are now ready to hand over the reins to a younger generation, my generation. But how and what will that look like? We, too, are passionate but not for the same reasons as the earlier generation. Next week I get to be a part of what that future will look like.

I have been asked to be a part of creating a new vision for domestic violence shelters and prevention for future women and families. Next week I go to meet with others like myself as part of a statewide initiative. Blue Shield of California has initiated The Strong Field Project. The project is a four-year effort aimed at bringing small, individual non-profit agencies, like Human Options, together to build a strong, coordinated network of domestic violence service providers in California. Its goal is to inspire others, make smart business decisions, and consider new ways of service delivery.

This is exciting, overwhelming, puzzling, challenging, and a variety of other adjectives I can’t put all down here. I feel like I’m now the pioneer. This is our new vision. Where and how do we begin? I will let you know of the progress, challenges, and stumbling blocks over the next four years, ask your opinions, and listen to your feedback. Tell me what you think now. Is there any advice, experience, or opinions I can carry with me?

Recently, at a local middle school, two girls decided that, as a joke, they were going to post a mean message about another girl and get their friends to pass it on.  By the next morning, this untrue story about an unsuspecting 7^th grader had been passed to 150 “friends”.  The young woman was devastated.

FACT: 81% of youth said that others cyberbully because they think it’s funny.

When our community educators talk to Middle School students we try to educate them about the legal and personal harm that results from using technology to tease or harass another teen.  Students often think that cyberbullying is normal or harmless and often do not think that there will be a negative impact on the victim. As we all know from recent stories in the media, cyberbullying is harmful and can even be life threatening.

FACT: 70% of teens said that being able to block cyberbullies was the most effective method of prevention.

Parents can prevent or respond to cyberbullying. Teach your children to:

STOP: Don’t respond to the bully. Responding often only escalates the problem.

BLOCK: Block the cyberbully or limit all communications to only those you can trust. (With social networking sites it may be necessary to delete the child’s current account and open a new one limiting access to trusted friends. In some cases, it may be necessary for the victim to stay off the computer for a short period of time.)

Shirley Gellatly has been teaching kindergarten through college age students about violence prevention for more than 15 years through community education presentations at local schools. In addition, she has instructed law enforcement, medical, and education professionals on recognizing the cycle of domestic violence and domestic violence prevention. She is the Director of Community Education at Human Options.

As may or may not know, Human Options Inc. has made a very difficult decision to close the Batterer’s Intervention Program effective July 1, 2010 due to agency budget cuts and the downturn of the economy. We realize this may be a great inconvenience for clients and their families, but we are hoping to make the transition as smooth as possible for all involved. The last group will be held on Wednesday, June 30, 2010. New clients will continue to be enrolled until June 18th with that understanding that they will have to transfer to another program at the end of the month.

Each Human Options client will have to elect which batterer’s intervention program in the county to transfer to through a list of Probation Approved service providers.

In addition, the current Coordinator and facilitator of the Human Option Batterers’ Intervention Program, Toni Tornberg , has a pending application with the Probation Department to continue the contracts that Human Options Inc. was administering as an Independent Contractor. Please contact her should you have an interest in her program.

Please feel free to contact Alicia Basurto abasurto@humanoptions.org  should you have any questions.

Laura Baden & the Pink Ladies having Serious Fun!

Newport Beach

, Calif. – Human Options raised approximately $435,000 at their major fundraising event on May 21 at the Balboa Bay Club in Newport Beach.  “Happy Days for Human Options” was the twist on their yearly theme Serious Fun that featured 50’s /vintage décor and entertainment.  Many attendees dressed in poodle skirts, letterman jackets and saddle shoes that added to the festive evening and lighthearted event.  All proceeds benefited Human Options programs and services to help battered women, their families and the entire community break the cycle of domestic violence. 

 

 

 

An evening highlight was the presentation of the 2010 DOVE Award to Human Options supporters Artyn and Max Gardner who’ve made significant contributions of time and financial gifts to the organization. 

The evening began with cocktail reception and 100 spectacular silent auction items in a beautiful outdoor patio setting. Guests were greeted to 50’s music and dancing as they entered the ballroom for dinner and later welcomed by board president Victoria Collins. 

Dinner was followed by a rousing live auction which included a beautiful, custom-designed diamond and aquamarine necklace designed by Aylin Aker which raised $14,000.  Other live auction items included a quilt to be custom made by Artyn Gardner that raised $2400 and a sunset dinner on the beach which sold twice for $3800. A funding opportunity entitled Rebuild-a-Life brought in $82,000.

A more serious part of the evening was the premier of “For My Mother;” a video taped conversation with business leader Jack Shaw and Human Options co-founder and CEO Vivian Clecak. In the video, Shaw shared his story about growing up in a home with domestic violence for the first time.

After the auctions, former Righteous Brother member Lee Ferrell and Friends entertained guests with 50’s themed music and dancing.

For over 28 years Human Options has been working to stop the cycle of domestic violence. The organization’s vision is a community in which every woman and every child is safe in their own home every single day. Last year Human Options served more than 20,000 individuals in various programs proven in independent studies to be highly effective at changing and saving lives. The organization provides a full continuum of services to stop the violence – from prevention and early intervention programs to emergency shelter and long-term transitional housing and follow up support. 

 For more information about Human Options, call 949. 737.5242 or visit www.humanoptions.org.

Human Options “Serious Fun” Event Nets $435,000 for Domestic Violence Prevention

 How can this happen?  Because the illusion of love blinds even smart, educated women to warning signs. Because our culture still does not focus enough on alerting teens and parents to the dangers of date abuse, to the early warning signs, and to ways of getting help.

What can you do?

 As parents and concerned community leaders, you need to speak out to our own family, friends, and community groups.

As a supporter of Human options, you can reach out to your child’s school, your PTA, church, business or community group and invite Human Options to speak on the dangers of date abuse and the resources to help protect our young people. Our prevention program, Jason’s Story, especially touches teen athletes .Our speaker, Robert Diaz, is articulate, passionate, and young so that his story connects to our young people.

It happened to Yeardly Love, a successful, beautiful, smart star college student and athlete. It can happen to any one of our precious children.

Join us! Take a stand to educate our community.   Together we make the difference!  Please email me at vclecak@humanoptions.org re a place you would like us to speak.