By: Arezoo Shahbazi Roa, MSW, Senior Prevention & Strategic Partnerships Director
There are wounds that can be seen, and then there are the ones that live quietly beneath the surface shaping thoughts, emotions, and a person’s sense of self in ways that are often invisible to others.
“I didn’t notice it at first. It wasn’t one moment. It was small shifts, conversations that left me feeling off balance, moments where I walked away questioning myself. I kept trying to make sense of it.”
Relationship violence is not about a lack of awareness or intelligence. It is about power and control. It is about how one person systematically creates an environment where confusion replaces clarity, where fear replaces safety, and where a person’s sense of self is slowly disrupted over time.
Abuse impacts mental health because it is designed to. When someone is constantly criticized, dismissed, or blamed, their sense of self begins to change. When their reality is questioned, they may start to question their own instincts. When their connections to others are disrupted, they lose the grounding that helps them process and make sense of what they are experiencing.
“I wasn’t confused about everything. I was being made to feel confused.”
That distinction matters. The anxiety that develops is not random. It comes from living in an environment where the emotional ground is always shifting where someone is anticipating reactions, trying to avoid conflict, or constantly assessing for what might happen next. This can lead to a state of hyperawareness, where the body and mind are always on edge.
The depression that follows is not a personal failing. It often grows out of isolation, loss of identity, and the exhaustion of trying to hold everything together. When someone no longer feels like themselves, when the things that once brought joy feel distant, a heavy sense of disconnection can take its place. Over time, the impact can deepen. Survivors may experience trauma responses such as hypervigilance, emotional numbness, difficulty concentrating, or an inability to feel safe even when the immediate threat is not present. A person who once felt confident and grounded may begin to carry a lowered sense of self-worth, questioning their value and place in the world.
In the most overwhelming moments, the combination of fear, isolation, and emotional pain can feel unbearable. For some, this can lead to thoughts of hopelessness or questioning whether things can change. These are not reflections of a person’s strength they are reflections of the weight they have been carrying, often without support. None of this happens because someone didn’t see it coming. It happens because abuse is intentional, and its impact keeps growing. Understanding the intersection of mental health and relationship violence requires us to recognize this clearly: the emotional and psychological impacts are direct outcomes of the harm someone is experiencing. They are not separate from it, and they are not self-created.
And yet, even within that reality, there is a path forward. Healing is possible, not overnight, and not without support, but through time, care, and the right resources. With trauma-informed counseling, compassionate guidance, and safe spaces where a person is believed and supported, healing can begin to take root.
Piece by piece, a sense of self can be restored. The constant anxiety can begin to soften. The weight of depression can begin to lift. Survivors can reconnect with their voice, their worth, and their sense of possibility. Because what abuse disrupts can be rebuilt. And with the right support, what once felt overwhelming and isolating can transform into something else entirely not just survival, but healing, strength, and the quiet, powerful return to oneself.
To every survivor reading this: You are not alone. Your pain is real, and so is your strength. Mental health recovery is a journey, and there is no shame in needing help along the way. If you or someone you know is experiencing relationship violence and struggling with mental health, Human Options is here to support you. Call our 24-hour hotline at (877) 854-3594 or visit www.humanoptions.org to learn more. Your story is not over. With the right support, healing is possible and you deserve every step of it.
