By: Arezoo Roa, Sr. Prevention & Strategic Partnerships Director
The start of a new school year always feels like a blank page full of promise, energy, and possibility. Campuses buzz with new friendships, old reunions, packed schedules, and late-night conversations about everything from life goals to who’s crushing on who. It’s a time when students feel most alive, ready to grow, explore, and make their mark. But while college life often shines bright on the outside, not everyone gets to live that story freely or safely.
Every fall, thousands of students return to campuses carrying more than books and backpacks. Some carry the weight of unhealthy or abusive relationships that are often invisible yet deeply damaging. Behind the smiles, the study groups, and the shared dorms, there are people struggling with something they don’t know how to name or escape. Relationship violence doesn’t wait until midterms. It can show up in the very first weeks of school, sometimes disguised as intense affection or “just being protective,” and it thrives in silence.
Relationship violence among college students includes emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, sexual coercion, physical harm, and digital harassment. It’s not always obvious. It doesn’t always leave visible marks. Sometimes it’s a partner demanding passwords or controlling who someone talks to. Sometimes it’s relentless texting, guilt-tripping, or isolation from friends. And often, the victim doesn’t even realize what’s happening until they’ve lost pieces of themselves trying to keep the peace or prove their love.
The statistics are sobering. A significant portion of college students experience some form of relationship violence during their time in school. But most cases aren’t reported. Survivors often fear they won’t be believed, or they minimize the harm, thinking, “It’s not that bad,” or “Maybe it’s my fault.” But abuse is never the survivor’s fault. And it’s never too small to matter.
What makes the college setting uniquely challenging is the pressure to appear like everything’s fine. To keep up with classes, maintain friendships, attend events, and post the highlight reel online even when things at home, or in a relationship, are unraveling. Relationship violence disrupts academics, mental health, and personal development. It can lead to missed classes, declining grades, anxiety, depression, and long-lasting trauma. But perhaps the most painful impact is that it strips students of the joy, safety, and freedom they deserve during one of the most formative times of their lives.
And yet, there is hope. Students all over the country are reclaiming their power, speaking out, supporting each other, and rewriting the narrative. Survivors are no longer silent; they’re becoming leaders, advocates, and educators. They are proof that healing is not only possible, but powerful. That what once tried to break them can become the reason someone else finds their voice. It starts with one voice.
As this school year begins, let it also be the beginning of a stronger, safer community. Let it be a season where we recognize red flags early and listen when someone says they’re uncomfortable. Let it be a time when we normalize checking in on friends, challenging harmful behavior, and modeling what respect looks like. Let it be the year we learn that love should never hurt, manipulate, or control it should empower, uplift, and protect.
If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, know this: you are not alone. You are not weak for struggling. You are not to blame. Help is out there. Support is real. Healing is within reach. And you deserve relationships where you feel safe, seen, and free to be fully yourself.
This year, as we sharpen pencils and set new goals, let’s also sharpen our awareness. Let’s commit to building campuses where no one has to choose between their safety and their love. Where no one’s pain goes ignored. And where every student gets to experience the freedom and fullness of a life not defined by fear, but by possibility.
At Human Options, we offer a 24/7 hotline where victims and survivors can speak with an empathetic, caring advocate who can help navigate available resources and validate their experience. For more information call our hotline at 877-854-3594 or visit humanoptions.org.
