Imagine
Living
A Life
Without
Fear

When Grace was 15 years old she fell in love with 25 year old Matt. Things were great the first few years. They got married and had their first child when Grace was 18. Shortly after their oldest daughter was born Grace and Matt started having arguments about his drinking. She would tell him if he did not stop drinking so much, she was going to leave him with their daughter. After one of their arguments Matt got up abruptly and grabbed Grace by the throat, lifted her off the floor and dropped her down. She went to bed confused and scared that night that something was very wrong and that the relationship she thought was “normal” was not what she thought. The next day Matt acted as if nothing happened, leaving Grace feeling trapped and fearful of being physically harmed again. When she told him she wanted space he refused and said it would not happen again as long as she stopped questioning and telling him what to do. When Grace worked, Matt would not financially provide for Grace or their children. He would tell her that if she wanted financial support from him, she had to quit her job, which she eventually did. This cycle repeated itself. 

Things changed for Grace. She was now a mother of three children, hiding in the shadows of her husbands abuse. She did as he said and when she did not, she saw the repercussions, through emotional and psychological abuse. He had taken her power and control away from her. Grace needed some reprieve and started working again. This was a recipe for more abuse and turmoil. People would tell her she should feel lucky her husband did not want her to work, but Grace felt she was under a microscope with no freedom. Matt would not allow her to shower alone, he had to be in the bathroom with her or in the shower. Grace had to facetime him minutes before clocking in because he wanted to see her clock in and make sure she was at work. He demanded she call him during her lunch, breaks, after work and was expected to be home at the same time and if not, he accused her of infidelity. When she did not do what he wanted the arguments would escalate at home. He would throw things across the room or involve the children in their arguments. She was terrified of him and what he would do to their children. Grace started to notice the fear in her children’s faces when he would come home and into the room.  

This continued for several months until one day during one of the daily arguments, her 10 year old daughter called the police because she was scared and couldn’t handle the constant degrading and yelling at her mother. When the officers arrived to her home, Grace met Human Options DV Advocate, and was given shelter information, offered therapy, personal empowerment classes, and legal advocacy. Grace wasn’t ready yet to utilize services and spent the night at a motel with her children. Matt did not stop calling her that night, with 422 missed calls from him. Grace did not know what to do, she felt even more lost and hopeless. Matt knew exactly what to say to Grace, apologizing, assuring her he would change and so Grace and her children ended up back with Matt.

Grace maintained contact with DV Advocate but was being surveilled by Matt. Although she wanted help, Grace feared Matt would find out she was in contact with Human Options. With all the tracking, phone calls and texts, Grace had to be creative about how to get help. She signed her children up for art classes at the local Family Resource Center, where she was able to work with one of Human Options’ Legal Advocates during their art classes to obtain a Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Order (DVRO) along with a move out order. This led to Matt being arrested since he refused to comply with the orders.

Grace is still nervous about filing documents in court, but expressed that she is now more hopeful after being granted the DVRO. She did not think she had enough evidence and was terrified of taking the necessary steps to leave because her husband controlled everything. She would say “Sometimes I felt like a single fish in a tiny fishbowl” because he always wanted to know her every move.

Her next step is to file for divorce and attend a family law clinic with the Legal Advocacy team to learn more about her rights and protections. She also plans to start counseling for her and children to work through the trauma all they endured the last several years. Grace is empowered now to call law enforcement for assistance, and feels confident using her DVRO. 

“I knew services existed, but my husband would not hit me so I thought I was ineligible. No one believed the abuse I was going through was actual abuse. I felt crazy. It is still unreal that a judge believed me and said what I went through was domestic violence.” – Mother & Survivor

Lauren, a mother of four children, entered Human Options’ emergency shelter after making the brave decision to leave her husband after facing years of abuse. In her attempt to flee their violent home, Lauren’s four children were taken by CPS due to witnessing the severity of the domestic violence incident inflected on Lauren from her abuser.

Lauren quickly got to work while she was at the emergency shelter to provide everything she needed to secure a safe future for her children. During her marriage, Lauren experienced financial abuse in which her husband made her responsible for all their expenses, including accumulating thousands of dollars in past due rent. Working closely with her case managers and housing navigator, Lauren was able to get her finances in order and identify a plan to pay off her rental arrears with the assistance of the Acceleration Fund; removing barriers preventing Lauren from securing permanent housing. All her hard work paid off as she was able to secure a 3-bedroom condominium through an Emergency Housing Voucher.

Experiencing foster care, teenage pregnancy and domestic violence all before Lauren was 24 years old, she was determined to break the cycle of abuse for her children. During her time in the emergency shelter, Lauren was able to enroll in therapy and participate in Personal Empowerment classes. For the first time in her life, Lauren expressed that she was able to learn about what healthy relationships are and pass that onto her children.

Through Human Options support, Lauren and her children were able to move into their new home just in time for the holidays. She is now empowered to continue therapy for herself and her children on their journey of healing and looks forward to reconnecting with her community to build a support system.

57 year old Dawn was recently widowed and a retired teacher, with 2 sons and dealing with chronic health issues. She has her own apartment and her youngest adult son lives with her while attending college. She thought she could manage her health and begin to work through her grief from losing her husband, but Dawn was being verbally abused by one of her adult son’s.

Dawn’s oldest adult son Luke, lives out of state but has been blaming her for his father’s death and continues to threaten and harass her over the phone. Dawn blocked his calls, but before she did, he told her he would be coming into town “for a visit”. Dawn was extremely upset by this news because she feels her son has an undiagnosed mental illness and is worried about what he will do to her or her other son if he comes to her apartment. To add to her worries she was scared of losing her housing because if he came he would create problems for her and her neighbors.

In complete distress and fear, Dawn walked into the Human Options Business Office in crisis, in need to speak to someone immediately. Dawn was offered crisis counseling and safety planning. Once with Human Options, Dawn and her therapist developed a safety plan to keep her and her son safe. Dawn started to attend the Senior Empowerment Group, where started getting educated on the abuse and received support from other group members. Week after week, Dawn began to feel empowered and came to the conclusion that the abuse was not her fault nor did she deserve it. Dawn was thankful for the counseling and support she received from the group. Dawn thanked Human Options for all of the help she received and stated she felt more prepared and empowered after receiving services.

“I am no longer afraid of the power my son had over me, because he does not have it any more. I can finally move forward and begin the heal.” – Dawn, Wife, Mother, Survivor

Mia had been separated from her children for a year who were previously living at Orangewood Children’s Home, due to the extreme violence occurring in the home from their father. Mia knew that to get her children back she had to leave their father. Upon entering our emergency shelter, Mia had been working on reunifying with her four children, Mila, Derrick, Jayden, and Austin. When the kids finally arrived at our shelter, they were all dysregulated, had low self-esteem, and struggled to express their needs. There was also constant bickering and tension between the siblings. However, Mia has been able to provide stability and emotional support for her children throughout their stay at Human Options. Her kids have shown improvement in requesting for space, expressing their emotions, and self-regulating whenever they feel upset. Children’s Program have noticed they have become more confident in themselves and are able to persevere instead of giving up when an activity is too difficult. Additionally, they have constantly verbalized to staff how happy they are to be at Second Step and have learned to demonstrate compassion for one another by sharing toys, helping each other with tasks, and cheering up their siblings when they are feeling sad.

Furthermore, Mia’s school-aged children, Mila and Derrick, are both excelling in their academic studies. Mila was chosen as student of the month in her class and Derrick worked hard every day at school to make sure his project was ready in time to be put on display for Back-to-School night. When Mia’s family attended the event, Derrick proudly showed off his work and received positive feedback from both his teacher and peers.

“I never thought I would see my children smile again but now I have hope and know that we will be just fine.” – Mia, Survivor & Mother

When Cindy married her husband at age 19, she would have never imagined what the next 50 years with her husband would be like. Her husband would call her names, threaten her with weapons, and demean her in front of friends and family. Growing up in a strong Catholic family, Cindy did not believe in divorce. Cindy married with the intent to be “a good wife and mother”, but did not understand it meant she had to endure her husband’s behavior and abuse….til’ death do they part?

Cindy is 69 years old, scared, alone, and living in darkness. She attempted to get help once 15 years ago when she called the police, but instead of getting the help and support she needed, her daughter refused to believe her and would not let her grandchildren come over to visit anymore. From that experience Cindy learned not to tell anyone what was really going on behind closed doors. But over time, neighbors kept calling and reporting her husband’s behavior to the police and Adult Protective Services.

Finally after numerous reports  and visits from socials workers , Cindy decided to attend a Senior Empowerment Group from our Safe Options for Seniors Program. Cindy figured it would be a good opportunity to leave the house for a few hours every week . She listened to a group of her peers explain the abuse they experienced and could relate. She slowly began opening up and sharing what she had been going through. She received feedback from group members telling her she did not need to live the way she was. After attending several sessions, Cindy finally admitted she did not want be in her abusive marriage anymore and was ready to get a divorce. She was supported by her peers in the group who gave her many words of encouragement and practical advice. Through support and the various services available to her Cindy was able to change her story. 

Cindy is 69 years old, strong, resilient, and finally moving forward with her divorce and has not looked back since making the decision to leave. She credits her decision to the education and support from the groups she attended at Human Options.

“Thank you to Human Options for helping me to heal and learn how to live again. ” – Cindy, Mother & Survivor

Thirty-six year old Ellie endured a traumatic three-year relationship with the father of her youngest child. Ellie experienced brutal physical and verbal abuse along with the destruction of her property from time to time. Ellie and her children were able to escape and ready to transition into the next step for safety. Ellie and her four children came to Second Step in hopes to create stability and safety for her and her children.

When Ellie started Second Step, she was on medical leave from her job as a case manager at a medical company. Her disability resulted from her relationship. Shortly after starting the Second Step program, Ellie had to testify against her aggressor, which increased her distress and anxiety. Through the services available to her through the Second Step program, Ellie began individual therapy to work on the trauma she had suffered from her ex-partner.

Ellie attended almost all the groups offered at Second Step. While she was gaining education on financial literacy, job readiness, tenant education rights, and therapeutic groups, her children were attending the therapeutic children’s program. All of her children learned how to express their emotions in a nonviolent manner. Ellie’s resilience to get the support she needed allowed her to stay focused on her goal of creating stability and safety from her ex-partner for her children. Ellie and her four children transitioned to Third Step and shortly after was offered an affordable housing opportunity through Families Forward.

“If it were not for the services, groups, and time provided by Human Options, I might have still been in that dark and dangerous relationship. Now my children have a chance towards a better well-being and life.” – Ellie, Survivor

Dear Human Options,
My name is Kim and I had great support from Human Option in 2006 due to domestic violence. I was really in need during that time. I remember I didn’t know how to use phone in the public phone booth, I could not drive, I did not know how to use a taxi, I was not comfortable in English…and most important I did not know my rights. Until I found Human Options.

With help from a friend, I was able to find an opening in Human Options even though was living in a different county. I still vividly remember the first day that I was escorted by the Policeman the the door at the emergency shelter.

I had gone through and completed all the programs. After that, about a year or so, I was able to stand by myself. Luckily I was able to continue my career as a computer engineer and now I could continue my career in San Francisco.

After I met the right person, I realized how the good marriage life should be and I realized how horrible monster I had lived with was. I was unaware about my rights, and how I had been mistreated by the monster. But I was able to get help and leave.

Thank you for all Human Option’s support in the past and in my most difficult times!

– Kim, Survivor

Thinking that dating after abuse was impossible, Miranda found love and hope once more. After five years of breaking free from her abusive partner, Miranda thought she and her children were finally free from all the trauma they endured and could start over. Until one night, her abusive partner showed up to Miranda’s new home, threatening to kill her and her new partner. Miranda’s way for safety was to obtain a Restraining Order.

Miranda called the South Orange County Family Resource Center seeking help from one of our Legal Advocates. In the past, Miranda had attempted to obtain a Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Order (DVTRO) against her ex-partner, but because he was aware of the DVTRO, he would avoid service and Miranda was never able to serve him. Human Options’ Legal Advocacy team met with Miranda remotely and referred her to O’Melveney & Myers, a law firm that at times provide free legal assistance to Human Option’s clients. With O’Melveney’s attorney’s assistance, he was ultimately served and Miranda was able to get protection for her and her children.

Miranda was able to obtain a five-year DVRO against her ex-partner and full legal and physical custody of her children. Since Miranda was a victim of crime, she was educated on the U-Visa process, a form of immigration relief that was established for victims of crimes including domestic violence. One of the requirements to apply for the U-Visa is that the crime was reported to law enforcement and the victim cooperated with the investigation. Our Legal Advocate assisted Miranda to obtain a copy of her police report so she could attend an immigration clinic. At the clinic, she learned she qualified for the U-Visa, which she is now continuing to work towards, while she is back on the journey to healing with her children, and in a healthy relationship with her new partner.

“I didn’t think I would ever be able to move forward with my life. Human Options’ Legal Advocacy program saved my children and I from danger. I can confidently walk out my home and live my life with my new partner and safe children. ”

– Miranda, Mother & Survivor

It took Mike more than two years after the fact to realize what he thought was love, was in fact abuse. When Mike met Kyle, he thought he had found his soulmate and would live out his dream of being in a loving relationship. Very quickly, Mike became extremely isolated from his friends and began limiting his social and extracurricular activities to be with Kyle.  Already not feeling safe and unsure of where to go,  Mike tried reaching out to a few friends, but every time he tried, he was not believed or his friends told him that he was a man too and to just “hit him back.”

Mike was referred to our Personal Empowerment Program (PEP) to learn about domestic violence to better learn about the cycle that he kept repeating time and time again. Mike was nervous to join the group because he was not sure how other members in the group would treat him. After the first session, Mike shared about how listening to others in the group talk about their experiences helped him to recognize many of the same warning or red flags that he had missed when he first start dating Kyle. He mentioned that the PEP group made him feel safe, more knowledgeable about his experience and most important felt heard for the first time in a long time. With the education and tools gained from the group, Mike is hopeful to break the cycle for himself in seeking healthy relationships, now has various resources for help, and working to heal and expand his support system again.

“We need more awareness about intimate abuse so people know that violence is a choice and it doesn’t discriminate based on our gender.” – Mike, Survivor 

After enduring more than six years of physical, verbal, financial and emotional domestic violence, Charlotte took the first step in her healing journey by entering Human Option’s Emergency Shelter with her two children, Sara and Evan, who were only one and three years old. The last physical aggression by her partner happened in front of her children and that gave her the strength to call law enforcement. Sara, at only 3 years old, told the officer with tears in her eyes that “daddy was being very mean to mommy, broke her phone, yelled too loud and needed to go away”. High levels of stress, anxiety and worry led Charlotte to seek comprehensive care and learn about resources available to her and her children.  When Charlotte came into the emergency shelter, she found herself unemployed, working hard to maintain sobriety, unable to control anxiety attacks and unaware of the effects of domestic violence.  She often felt like an unfit mother due to the many needs of her children. In the 30 days that Charlotte and her family were at the emergency shelter, she worked with staff to safety plan and mapped out the steps she needed to live free from violence. Charlotte faced her fears and requested a restraining order, began attending empowerment and parenting classes, worked with the children’s program to improve her parenting skills, and applied to financial resources.  Although the process was tough and included multiple setbacks, she never gave up and asked to be considered for Human Option’s transitional program, Second Step. She expressed she needed more time to continue her journey and was confident the support she was receiving at Human Options was having a life-changing impact on her family. In only two months of being at Second Step, Charlotte was able to secure a restraining order, job and child care. Those achievements empowered Charlotte to have confidence in her ability to protect, care and provide for her children. Her body language changed drastically along with her kid’s behavior. While at Second Step, Charlotte also maintained her sobriety and fulfilled her biggest goal to secure permanent housing. Before leaving Second Step, Charlotte addressed her peers and shared her story so that they too felt empowered. She left by sharing that the negative thoughts and verbal abuse she suffered for many years were slowly transforming into a phrase that her case manager often shared and now lives by: “my past does not define my future” and feels like there isn’t anything she can’t overcome. Charlotte, Sara and Evan have moved into a safe home where they will build strong family bonds and continue their healing journey.